Late Night Outpouring

So, it's way past my bed time, but I can't sleep, so I might as well write some things that are on my mind.

First off, can I say how grateful I am for the Lord's hand in my life. I see His hand in my life everyday, and I am so eternally grateful to know that, even though He makes me make my own decisions, He is giving me the tools to do so, and He cares about me every step of the way. Today was kind of an emotional rollercoaster for me (go figure, I'm a girl..) but it was at the same time, one of the most reflective, best days I've had in a while. As I was driving today, I felt the warmth of the sun on my face (Hallelujah, spring is coming!) and the wind in my hair, and I knew, I know He is there. Sometimes we pray and we pray, and we hope beyond hope that He is listening to our prayers. I plead for the answers to my questions and direction in my life, and I sometimes feel like I'm not getting anything. Actually, I feel like that quite often. But then, I realize - He does care, and He is giving me the answers. He's giving me His trust by allowing me to take a step into the unknown. He knows that I know the path and that I'm trying my best to stay on it. And, you know, as I felt His warmth from the sun and I thought about life, I realized how much He really does care for me, and really does want me, and all of us, to succeed in life.

I've been thinking so much lately that it's really been taking a toll in my focusing abilities when it comes to school work. I just have so many thoughts on my mind, that I can't seem to get them down on paper fast enough, or process them quickly enough to be able to put my energy into my schooling as I'd like to. Hopefully running and writing things down will help me better able to concentrate. I really am grateful for the thoughts and the insight that I have gained from my reflection and the wise words of roommates this week, though.

I'm also grateful for His tender mercies in my life. There are little things that happen everyday that just leave me feeling so loved and absolutely glowing because I know it's no coincidence the way life pans out. Every time I begin to doubt, or I momentarily let Satan enter in, He's always there reminding me of His presence and His love. He doesn't have to, and I know I don't deserve it, but He loves me anyway. For this, I will forever be grateful.

I'm also so very, very grateful for my amazing roommates. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They bless my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to express how much they mean to me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has led me here, and blessed me with such amazing angels in my life.

And you know what, most of all, I'm grateful for my trials. I sometimes think I'm weird for thinking this, but I often find myself having the conversation with myself time and time again. I am grateful for the hard things in my life. They have shaped, and continue to shape the person I am and am becoming. I'm learning the lessons that will change my heart and bring me closer to Him. Like the refiner's fire, I am being made into something better...

I know that God has great things in store for me in my life, and I pray that I can live up to them.