A Morning's Run

Tuesday morning I went for a run, something I really need to do more consistently, and I had a lot thoughts come to mind, so I thought that I would share a few with you.

1. The first thing that struck me as I was running was this sense of confidence. I'll be the first to admit that growing up, I didn't always believe in myself as I probably should have. I would say that I'm a lot better today. This morning, though, I was just struck with this understanding of how important confidence is. I thought about the power of believing in yourself. I've come to notice that it's truly the times when I tell myself I can do something, and then go after it, that I am the most successful. There truly is power in believing in yourself. And then I thought, how can I ever succeed as a friend, as a wife, as a mother, as a teacher, if I do not first fully believe in myself, despite my weaknesses and then believe in my friends, my husband, my children and students just the same? I think I tasted a little more of my potential this morning, it was felt great. Imagine if we could, if only for an instant, view ourselves as God views us. If we could believe in ourselves even a fraction of the amount that He believes in us, how much more would we accomplish? And how much more could we be a impact for good in the lives of those we love?

2. The second thing that I've been thinking about was actually brought up by roommate Kristen last night as we were talking about life, and it's stuck with me. We were talking about what our purposes should be in life, and when you get down to it, what we should be focusing on doing every single day. And, I think she put it pretty simply, but beautifully. You wake up in the morning, you pray for the Spirit, you serve everyone you can, and you follow God. For some reason, I've just been really thinking about how powerful this is. Mostly I've been thinking about service lately. I really love how wonderful it is to lose yourself in serving others. You forget about your problems, if but momentarily, and realize the needs of those around you. It's like.. you broaden your perspective and your "world" to realize the needs of those around you. We're not sent here to do things on our own, or to only focus on ourselves; we cannot make it back on our own. I wonder how many people we actually come into contact with everyday, and in how many ways we can change the lives of these people - if but with a smile. Imagine that. That's how you change the world. We must just allow ourselves to forget our lives and enter someone else's.

3. So, on my jog, I stopped at a park. I love parks. So much. There's just something about them that makes me happy. Anyway.. I had been to this particular park before but not for awhile. I took a break from jogging and sat in the grass for a few minutes. It was pretty chilly, but the silence was worth it. There were a few birds chirping and the sounds of distant cars. There was a slight breeze through the trees, but other than all of this, it was silent. It reminded me of the importance of taking the time to be still. In this world full of bombardments, it is essential that we take the time necessary to pause from our hectic schedules and reflect and listen. How else do we expect to be able to feel the Spirit? Only through the still silence can we feel His love and His peace more abundantly in our lives. This experience also helped me remember how important it is to listen while praying. Just as important as it is to pray for things, it is important to take the time to pause and just listen.

4. While I sat there in the silence, I heard a small plane overhead. I thought about how small I must look to them, if they could even see me at all. We're all so small. And if you think about it too much, you can begin to seem insignificant. But, you know, what's so amazing about it all is, as small as we might seem on this earth, in this vast universe we are of infinite worth and we have infinite potential - in this life and the next. I'm really on a "changing the world" kick, so to speak, but honestly.. We might be small, and our influence might not seem to reach beyond those on our block, but we can change the world through the choices we make, through the small acts of service, through smiles.. It really is simple.

These are just the beginnings of a lot of thoughts that I've had lately. I would (and might) expound upon them, but I fear I'd never stop writing. If you have any thoughts, feel free to share :)

Summer To-Do's

Ok, so I wasn't exactly done for tonight. Here's the beginnings of my list of things to do this summer, and I will do them all:

1. Bonfire(s) up the canyon
2. Hike Bridal Vail
3. Watch the sunrise/set from the mountain
4. Finish the BoM
5. Read some Jane Austen (this one is carrying over from last summer..)
6. Swim in the lake
7. Stargaze late into the night
8. James Bond movie marathon
9. Lose 15 lbs. (and reward myself with a pair of new jeans (: )
10. Have dinner parties
11. Take a midnight stroll
12. Mini road trip to somewhere?
13. Go some place I've never been
14. Blow things up (and not get hurt..)
15. Learn to play my guitar (at least a little better)
16. Learn new songs on the piano
17. Serve someone everyday
18. Get rid of the junk that I don't need but for some reason still have
19. Expand my cooking repertoire
20. I really want to go camping. Perhaps I will... But I need a tent.
21. Decorate our apartment so it doesn't look so blah..
22. Ride the Heber Creeper
23. Tube the river
24. Sidewalk chalk, hopscotch, and popsicles
25. Bike ride (to the lake? or some other cool place)
26. Glow in the dark Frizbee golf at night
27. Life-size game of Risk at that park with the giant world map
28. Find a random shopping cart and take it for a ride
29. Feed the ducks
30. Start saving up for a new camera

Oh, don't you worry, there's more to come. :)

Late Night Outpouring

So, it's way past my bed time, but I can't sleep, so I might as well write some things that are on my mind.

First off, can I say how grateful I am for the Lord's hand in my life. I see His hand in my life everyday, and I am so eternally grateful to know that, even though He makes me make my own decisions, He is giving me the tools to do so, and He cares about me every step of the way. Today was kind of an emotional rollercoaster for me (go figure, I'm a girl..) but it was at the same time, one of the most reflective, best days I've had in a while. As I was driving today, I felt the warmth of the sun on my face (Hallelujah, spring is coming!) and the wind in my hair, and I knew, I know He is there. Sometimes we pray and we pray, and we hope beyond hope that He is listening to our prayers. I plead for the answers to my questions and direction in my life, and I sometimes feel like I'm not getting anything. Actually, I feel like that quite often. But then, I realize - He does care, and He is giving me the answers. He's giving me His trust by allowing me to take a step into the unknown. He knows that I know the path and that I'm trying my best to stay on it. And, you know, as I felt His warmth from the sun and I thought about life, I realized how much He really does care for me, and really does want me, and all of us, to succeed in life.

I've been thinking so much lately that it's really been taking a toll in my focusing abilities when it comes to school work. I just have so many thoughts on my mind, that I can't seem to get them down on paper fast enough, or process them quickly enough to be able to put my energy into my schooling as I'd like to. Hopefully running and writing things down will help me better able to concentrate. I really am grateful for the thoughts and the insight that I have gained from my reflection and the wise words of roommates this week, though.

I'm also grateful for His tender mercies in my life. There are little things that happen everyday that just leave me feeling so loved and absolutely glowing because I know it's no coincidence the way life pans out. Every time I begin to doubt, or I momentarily let Satan enter in, He's always there reminding me of His presence and His love. He doesn't have to, and I know I don't deserve it, but He loves me anyway. For this, I will forever be grateful.

I'm also so very, very grateful for my amazing roommates. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They bless my life in so many ways that I can't even begin to express how much they mean to me. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has led me here, and blessed me with such amazing angels in my life.

And you know what, most of all, I'm grateful for my trials. I sometimes think I'm weird for thinking this, but I often find myself having the conversation with myself time and time again. I am grateful for the hard things in my life. They have shaped, and continue to shape the person I am and am becoming. I'm learning the lessons that will change my heart and bring me closer to Him. Like the refiner's fire, I am being made into something better...

I know that God has great things in store for me in my life, and I pray that I can live up to them.

Bright Lights and Explosions

This past Friday I went to Wendover, NV with four friends to see Boyz II Men in concert. It was a great little vacation!! The concert was AMAZING! And we even got to meet the boyz backstage after the concert!! The concert was in the Peppermill concert hall, and we actually stayed in the Peppermill hotel. Here's a picture of us with the boyz courtesy of the amazing Natascha Faux:



After the concert and meeting the boyz, we ate at the restaurant in the casino. I've just gotta say.. I'm pretty sure that if you got high while in that casino, you might never find your way out.. There are mirrors and neon lights everywhere! You can't even really tell how big the casino is because the mirrors make it seem like it just goes on forever. The light and mirror effect was pretty mesmerizing, though, no doubt adding to the attractiveness of the casino. I did not, however, gamble, no worries.

Saturday morning we loaded back in the car and came back to our lovely home in Provo. Saturday night I watched Star Trek with a few friends. Can I just say how much I love that movie?! Well, I love it. A lot. I'm still at a loss for who I think is more attractive - James Tiberius Kirk or his father. For the most part, I just go back and forth. Haha. I'm ridiculous, I know. Anyway! Whilst watching this beloved movie, there was a fire at an apartment building down the street from us. It was pretty scary looking , what with like 4 fire trucks and about 6 police cars. We saw a lot of smoke, but no fire. Apparently it was a car fire in the underground parking area. Thank goodness! I had this picture in my mind of explosions and fire which actually was a pretty intense imaginative experience... but I'm honestly glad no one was hurt. I'm pretty sure that Star Trek and the fire down the street made me really fire-happy. I've felt like blowing something up for days now, which is weird, because I am in no way a pyro. Too bad 4th of July is so far away...

Well, that's the recent scoop.

You Are Worth It.

I've had a handful of different experiences lately that have really confirmed to me of my own personal self-worth. And, as these experiences don't seem to come often enough, and I know that we can all benefit from them, I thought that I'd share a couple of them in the off chance that you might glean something from them as well.

This past week I was having a hard time with myself - you know, the normal arguments with myself about where I'm going in life, and what my focuses are at that moment. I was feeling a little down when it came to self-esteem and self-worth and had regressed in my perspective, you could say. Right at the pinnacle of these self-doubting thoughts, I had a friend bluntly tell me, "Tiffany, you're worth it. You're worth anything and everything." This friend didn't know of my struggles, and wasn't aware of my thoughts. This comment came without the knowledge of the impact it would leave on me. Oh, how grateful I am for the Lord's hand in my life, and I hope that I can bless the lives of others as my friends bless mine everyday.

Another experience was a dream I had just last night. I won't go too deep into the details of the dream.. but I think the impressions and lessons I learned from the dream are quite significant. I seem to dream the most right before I wake up in the morning... which stinks because I usually wake up before the dream concludes or before I get to the good parts. But, it can also be a good thing because often I remember the dreams quite vividly, as with this particular dream. In this dream, I was surrounded by people from my life that I consider to be rocks, people that live upstanding, worthy lives. During the dream, I didn't necessarily realize this as some of the people there seemed out of place because we aren't that close in real-life, but after I woke up, I realized that I have looked up to all of these people in my life. From this dream, I realized that God really has blessed me and surrounded me with amazing people. He has given me people to look up to and admire, and these people have all blessed my life even in the smallest, simplest of ways. I realized that I am not and will never be alone. In the dream, I had made some not so great choices with my life, but all of these people that I look up to were there and still cared about me. I was reminded that no matter what happens, I will be loved - by my family and friends, but especially by my Heavenly Father and my Savior. And, I felt a greater portion of my worth. No matter what path I choose, I am still of infinite worth and am still a daughter of a King. Nothing can change that - not a bad decision, not an attitude. Nothing. Don't worry, I'm not making any terrible choices in life, or heading off on a path into the abyss.. But we all stray. We all have moments where we get too close to the edge, and we stumble a bit and then doubt that we have the strength to get back to where we want to be. But why do we doubt ourselves??

This past Sunday, my stake held Stake Conference. It was amazing, and I learned and was reminded of so much. I feel that I have a lot of things that I want to work on improving in my life, but I won't get overwhelmed. I really felt invigorated after the conference. During the conference, Pres. Child discussed fear and self-doubt. I felt like a sponge soaking up all the words he shared with us. One thing he said really rung true with me. He mentioned how sometimes our desires do not align with our actions because of fear. I sometimes feel this way. I know that there are ways that I could better myself and my life, but for some reason I get caught up thinking that I'll never be good enough, or I can't do such and such a thing. Fear can be overpowering and consuming if we let it. President Child spoke of replacing this fear with hope and faith and perfect love (1 John 4:18). By placing our faith in the Lord and remembering our worth, we can dispel fear in our lives and live confidently.

I'm not perfect, and I'm not perfectly confident, but I have been reminded of my worth, and the love my Heavenly Father has for me. I'm thankful for the little moments and the little conversations that remind me of my own worth and cause me to "remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" (D&C 18:10). I realize that cultivating hope will dispel the fear from my life, and I know that "we learn to cultivate hope the same way we learn to walk - one step at a time."

And, so with patience and a determination to do better each day, I press on.